Scraps 5.0

Day 14

It always has a pattern. You meet a great person. You become friends with them. Then come the late night conversations. Finally you confess your love. Not to the said person of course, but to your best friend. Then days go by tearing the petals of a freshly plucked flower called love. And you finally make the all-important confession. And if you are lucky, your love is reciprocated.

But for how long? Maybe a few months. After that it all comes crashing down in a whirlwind of misplaced emotions. If both of you agree that you have somehow fallen out of that love that a week back you thought was irreplaceable while lying in bed, then you are doomed with being just friends for the rest of your lives. If it’s not consensual then one of you leaves scarred, the shadow of which falls on your next irreplaceable love. Regardless how it ends, you leave a part of yourself back to where you thought you will always belong.

But when you somehow think that you have lasted long enough for both of you to be together forever, wake up in each others’ arms every morning for the rest of your lives and do all the things that cute posts on Instagram ask you to do for you to be a perfect couple, then why is it that you still have a figment of emotion left in your head that doubts your significant other and constantly tries to hinder your perfect love life with your perfect person? Is it just the jealousy that other people get to spend more time with that person you thought will forever have your undivided attention or is it because you still do not know if your love is same as the one that your friends have who seem to move on to a next every few months? Whatever it may be, it is certain to wreak havoc in your perfect home. Doubt is something that does not let you rest. It eats you from the inside because you know that the moment you show it, it spells doom.

Why can you not doubt and just stay the way you were when the relationship began and it seemed like neither of you could get enough of each other? Why is it that doubt always results in you deciding to leave the person with whom till a few days back you thought you will have two kids in a nice house with a dog to give you company while the kids are out to play? Why can you not fight the doubt? Worse, why can you not fight the doubt together? Is your love not strong enough to defeat a puny figment of emotion that is swept under the carpet in a dark corner of your brain where you do not even want to go? Because when you have something that you cherish, something that makes you so happy that you do not mind growing old anymore, do not mind leaving people you care about just because you care about this person the most, it something you keep and not something you let go off. You fight for it. You make it live. Because always remember that the night when you had hugged her, you had thought that that place was the best place in this world and that place will never change. Come what may. It may get lost but there is nothing that is lost which cannot be found. There is no love that is ever lost. It is just two people who do not want to try hard enough.


Why Do You Smile

Why do you smile
When I cry
With pain, anguish,
Dejected by the pangs of separation?
Do you not see
My endless suffering,
Crumpling on the face of life,
Grieved at being away from you?
Do you not realize
The void in my life
Which is your name
That you choose not to come back?
Or do you want to see me suffer-
Burn in pain, scarred,
Mourning bereft of what was mine?
Or do you just want to close your eyes
And not look at me altogether?

As I Sit Under The Moonlight

As I sit under the moonlight
The silver kissing my face,
You engulf my mind
Your eyes, your smile
Of the rapt you rewarded me with always
Of your serenity, divinity
Your touch, your smell
You possess me in full
And then it all
Ends in an awkward suddenness
When I go back
To the time when
You chose life over me
Leaving with a thousand questions unanswered
Throwing away all that I showered on you,
Love, care and affection.
And now that I sit under the moonlight,
I assure myself that
Everything happens for a reason
And I stop thinking about you
And I treasure all that we had between.