Why Does Rejection By Your Crush Hurt So Much

Crushes are beautiful. Sometimes even more beautiful than relationships themselves. They remind you of a perfect world; two lovers existing in a blissful modern-day fairytale; no disagreements, no jealousies, no tiffs. They say the best thing you can do to your love is to never marry them. In English poetry, the concept of the unattainable mistress has been very popular. The languishing lover, usually the poet, pines for the love of the icy beloved who doesn’t give a hoot about him.

Something similar happens in real life too, even though we may not realise it. Crushes are very often one-sided, more often than we’d like them to be. And this probably is not gender specific; it ails both men and women equally. The reasons could be many—perhaps you are not yourself in front of them; perhaps you two are very different people (a fact responsible for you liking them but also for them not noticing you).

Stealing glances at them; butterflies in the stomach when they come to talk to you, stalking them on Facebook are just the first sensations of love we feel. And they are often so overwhelming, often orgasmic in their headiness that everything else fades into oblivion. Overcome by that feeling, you can never be yourself in their presence. Perhaps you fall silent, perhaps you falter; hopefully you just don’t grin from ear to ear in their presence; you are too busy admiring them, basking in the warm glow of love. Or sometimes you are too chatty, too close for comfort, always available, always the guy staring.

They say we always like someone who we think is better than us or is out of our league—more good-looking, smarter, more successful. While that’s somewhat true about infatuation and the outward signs could confirm that, truth is we often take a liking to someone when we see in them what we desire in life. You may be able to see something in someone that the rest of the world can’t. You like the fact that she can stand up for herself; you like it that she can be so empathetic towards people; nobody else notices it but you do. You value those traits; maybe they come naturally to her but for you, they matter enough to make you fall in love with her. Her parameters of love could be different.

They say opposites attract, and that is one of the first laws of attraction, but it doesn’t guarantee a relationship. You love the way she laughs easily and heartily, something you never do. You love the way she brings life to every gathering. You are in awe of her. But will she be in love with you? Maybe yes, maybe not. She might not notice you, she might never get to know you, considering you don’t talk much. Often it ends as a one-sided feeling.

And then the hurt starts. The self-introspection, the self-blame, the embarrassment. You have to realise it didn’t happen because one of the two of you is better but because you are two very different people. If your natures are different, then your worlds are different, your friends are different, your tastes are different. Love doesn’t happen easily in such cases. A crush is like a beautiful rose bush; let it be, let it bloom away in the distance; don’t try to own it, don’t struggle too much to make it your own or you might ruin it forever. If it’s meant to happen, the wind will carry the fragrance to you.

Why It Hurts So Bad

So when our crush doesn’t reciprocate our feelings, why is it that we are left heart-broken? Have we fallen so in love with that person that we can’t imagine a life without them? Or do we think they were the one? And it couldn’t have been anyone better? But in reality, we grieve not over a lost love but over a hurt ego and a ‘what if’. They rejected us. They did not choose us. They did not develop a liking for us. We failed to entice them, to make them fall in love with us. We see it as a personal failure. At the end of the day, it’s not about them; it’s about us.

We all have insecurities and it’s perfectly okay to have them. Those very insecurities are brought to the fore when someone rejects us. Maybe it’s the hair; or if I had been a little taller; or if I were a tad wittier…the list never ends.

And then there are the what ifs. What if were perfect for each other? What if we got on like a house on fire? What if she secretly liked me? What if she was the one? Could we have been soulmates? The uncertainty is killing. The regret sharp. When it’s a crush that fails to materialize, you can never know. Whereas, in a relationship that eventually fades away, two people have gone through the process of falling out of love. They have tried and they have failed. They have spent good times and they have spent bad times. They have seen each other’s ugly.

But when your crush walks away, you are still head over heels over them. They still make your heart skip a beat. You are still in the most beautiful phase of falling in love—the one where you get tingly sensations in the stomach on seeing them. You did not get a chance to try it out and see if it worked or not. You did not get a chance to grow out of the heady feeling. And that’s why it hurts.

But, of course, it’s a phase that’s short-lived. When a crush fails, the pain is sharp but quick. Like a bandage being ripped off. As soon as we realize that all the hurt is within us, it’s very easy to get out of it. It’s the ego you’ve to nurse. It’s the hope you’ve to rekindle. Because there will be many more, many who like you. You will not miss the person. You will even forget their name. But you’ll nurse that heady feeling, that capacity to like someone so wholeheartedly and purely. As they say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and you are a person who is beautiful enough to find beauty. Cherish that. You’ll always find it.

Hi! (Again)

When I look at the last post from this blog, it almost depresses me. It been more than a year that I’ve managed to hoodwink my own self and everyone around me (who still care about my writing) not updating the blog in the pretext of being busy with one thing or the other. Truth be told, it was just laziness. If they had an award for lazing around, I’d be the undisputed champ.

True, I had my exams and had to study a little to not fail, but it wasn’t like my leisurely activities were cut short in any ways. No. I was still spending generous hours on Facebook and YouTube, doing absolutely nothing of use but only when it came to updating my blog did conscience strike like thunder, telling me that I shouldn’t be wasting valuable time updating my blog that is read by, like, 20 people. So I went on to play Counter Strike instead. The blog kept on dropping down on my priority list and was eventually forgotten to be existent until a good friend of mine read the previous posts here and literally forced me to update this. So here we are.

I think I’ll post more regularly now. Lets see how long that lasts!

 

CityVille Chronicles

Day 1

I didn’t expect three days of holidays to turn out to be so unbelieving boring.

So boring, in fact, that I unblocked CityVille and actually gave it a shot. I now have a city hall with 100+ people living in my thriving city, which is very imaginatively called ‘My City’. And I can’t even change it.

It said it’d only allow me to play if I agreed to give it a bunch of permissions, one of which was to mark my unread notifications as ‘read’. I didn’t really understand what that was for, but assumed it was an anti-spam feature. Spam them but don’t let them know they were spammed. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Pity the anti-spam thing didn’t include emails as well, since I got two mails already telling me that I can claim my very own fountain for free. I’m sure the city people would’ve loved a new fountain but when I clicked the link, it started being very evasive and told me the page wouldn’t load or something.

I have nothing to do now.

The Fault In Our Syllabus : How School Textbooks Give No Space For Individual Growth

Culture is the best contraception.

As absurd as it may sound to the regular, level headed logical reader here, it is a popular opinion throughout India. And it matters what people think when one of those people is our own Health Minister. Recently, Dr. Harsh Vardhan went as far as to suggest that faithfulness to one’s partner was the only sure shot way of preventing AIDS- an underlining of culture and morality clearly influencing his statements. So when it comes to including sex education in textbooks, one can imagine what that would consist of. Bird and bees, or a stork by the riverside if we are lucky.

This is just one example, brought into attention by a remark which had sparked a lot of controversy. The truth is, the standard textbooks used by the CBSE, ICSE, ISC or any other board are well structured and carefully planned with proper snippets of information on the side, enriching cartoons and footnotes, but in reality, they allow little or no space for individual opinions to be formulated.

Photo Credit

Right in the very first few pages of most of these books, after the contents, there is an elaborate and tabulated marking scheme, which dictates how many classes a teacher should spend on each topic, how many marks should be allotted to each topic, inadvertently dictating if ‘Consumer Right’ is more important or ‘Democracy’. In this scenario, where a student is given tools to do the bare minimum, there is hardly any attempt for any extra outside reading or out of the box thinking.

Any student who has grown up in a typical Indian education environment can relate that certain subjects like mathematics and the sciences have always been given more importance. The extra‘tuitions’ are mostly for the sciences. Thus originates the timeless inclination of parents for their children to end up as a doctor or an engineer, or perhaps a lawyer or a journalist if they fail.

The fallacies in the material taught can be found in every page if one looks for it. For example, in a class 7th NCERT textbook, the first chapter is about equal rights, with examples from the universal adult franchise. However, it fails to make students understand that without financial equality, political equality means little to the underprivileged sections. It would be some time before the one-track educated student realizes the right of equality before the judiciary is full of loopholes, rendering them uninterested to the whole concept in the long run.

Studying Literature in CBSE Schools

One of the most commonly voiced grievances regarding this is the lack of literary classics from the English syllabus. While CBSE contents itself with certain short stories and poems and an occasional story by an author these students do recognize from the bestseller stands, the fact remains that our perception of someone being good in literature rests on how many big words a student uses or how he/she answers questions with no perspective at all. They are maybe not told in the exact words, but it is thoroughly implied to all students in their years of schooling that, even though the question asks, what you feel about this or that, they aren’t really asking for your opinion. On multiple occasions, I myself have gone with my red marked answers to the teacher, only to be sent back after being told that my opinion here actually means the author’s/teacher’s opinion.

The complete and utter ignorance of studying literature in the form of books and understanding them in depth is one of the main fallbacks. To this date, students of CBSE wishing to pursue literature can answer the entrance exam questions from To Kill a Mockingbird only if they have read and analyzed it themselves or with some external paid help.

Little Scope for Individual Development

With the 2014 elections, an era of established orthodoxy of the HRD ministry has come to an end with a non-graduate minister in the chair. While we have gotten past a lot of old rules and the textbooks are now more open to the sensitive incidences like the Emergency, the fact remains that there is little scope for individual development of each and every student who is unique in his or her own way.

For someone who has studied in a CBSE board school for the most part of his life, an irksome factor is the heavy display of patriotism and Godly references. Patriotism is perfectly acceptable and deemed desirable in textbooks, blind patriotism is not. With freedom fighters and nation leaders being shown in an almost God-like light, no wonder huge masses of people in our nation equate following a politician like following a religion even now.

Lastly, the problem of being lost in translation still exists in every rural area. Lack of proper training of the teachers once the new syllabus is out, or even the unwillingness to teach whatever may be beyond them results in those children learning everything in a lopsided, half correct way.

The Budget this year has proved promising in the education sector, with the arrangements being made for proper sanitation and hygiene which would enable girl students to remain in school, the Beti Bachao Beti Padhao Andolan, a more gender sensitive syllabus. But unless mainstream syllabuses aren’t contemporized, all these new measures would serve little to the target masses and in the end just fall back in regular, criticized lines like the current syllabus. It’s time to step back and see things from a new perspective now, because what we read and write today will make us what we are tomorrow.

Scraps 1.0

Some nights, the rain drops get too talkative.
Those are the days that my mind quietens down for it likes to hear about you.

Blurred down the lanes of weak memory, I recall faded events; that rainy evening when I finally packed my things. The bags were heavy, the heart light. I’d quietly walked out from her memories.

I’d quietly walked out from her memories wondering how I’d deal with mine. That night, the rain drenched me, and I knew.

17 Things Computers Fail At

This is a guest post by an anonymous follower. Unwilling to reveal himself, it is his dig at humor with a techie tinge.

I think it’s time to take a fresh look into the future to see what technology might behold for us in the decades to come.

In this highly scientific analysis, I have taken 10 mins of GOOGLE SEARCH and a lifetime’s worth of human experience, applied advanced statistical methods to the problem, and identified 17 things your computer will never do:

1. Love

Think of all the wonder of love, the joys, the crazy acts of passion, of Romeo and Juliet. Yes, love, the high pedestal from which arises the source of betrayal, anger, divorce, and even murder.

Imagine the vengeance a jealous Blackberry might take if finds out your PC cheated on it by plugging into your new iPhone!

I can hear it all now. “And no protection, either, just think about the viruses you could have caught from that scanky thing with its disgusting Bluetooth and open ports! I heard it’s married, too, with a WiFi waiting at home. I bet you found it traipsing about in more bars and more places with nothing on but its 3G.”

No, that won’t do. No PC will ever have enough bandwidth to process that data stream.

2. Make Accidental Mistakes

When your friend / spouse / coworker makes a mistake and apologizes for it you are understanding, realizing that you, too, sometimes make mistakes (although far fewer than they do, of course). You recognize human fallibility. Let’s face it, we’re only human.

A computer, however, isn’t human and we expect it to be infallible. Anything less is a bug that needs fixing. The closest we get is by not being surpised that fallible humans introduced bugs into the system, possibly after get caught with an unauthorized “iPhone”, if you know what I mean.

3. Be Happy

What would a happy computer even look like?

Sure, we could program it mimick happiness. Remember Microsoft Clippy?

A happy computer is like a fake smile, transparent and annoying.

Now, if I could only get my brother to stop his Clippy imitation…

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 4. Get Angry

It’s a good thing our computers won’t get angry. Imagine the patience they would require to deal with us irrational and slow humans. Sure, we’re great at the whole pattern recognition thing but all those emotions and processing errors, wow. No, we won’t be programming anger in.

There is no need to worry about this problem as any reasonable “anger program”, once installed in a robot, would immediately kill it’s programmer, then itself out of a sudden and unanticipated ability to…

5. Be Frustrated

Unlimited patience comes in the form of the NOOP (with an N, not a P). NOOP is the microprocssor instruction for No Operation. That’s what a microprocessor does when it’s not doing anything else. Computers are perfectly content to NOOP forever, or actually, to do anything forever. Frankly, they just don’t…

6. Care

Maybe we’ll program them to fake an interest in what you think and how you feel. It’ll be just like a customer service representative after you get angry with them. You know how they say “Thank you for your business.” at the end of call. Yeah, that seems reasonable. We could do that.

But will computers actually care? Ever?

No chance, unless we’re going to design systems with mirror-neuron capability. No, computers, I’m afraid, are essentially psychopaths without an agenda.

A computer is a psychopath who doesn’t even care about himself.

7. “Get” You

Do you even get you? How about anyone else? No chance here.

Actually, computers might have a better shot at it than any human would.

8. Crash

I just wanted to see if you’re still paying attention.

9. Have Your Back No Matter What

Well, we could program a computer to agree with you all the time, that’s easy enough and easier than hiring sycophants or becoming a tyrant. It wouldn’t be very helpful, though.

“Computer, does the square root of 729 equal 23?”**

“Why, yes, Andy, that’s right. You’re always right, Dave. And so smart, too.”

If that’s what we want, we’ll have to build microprocessors with the fabled YESOP.

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10. Believe

Have you ever stopped to wonder why you believe in things? I mean anything at all? Why not simply observe what is and go with that?

Well, our human nature has evolved a belief system. And we believe all kinds of stuff that simply isn’t true.

Computers are happily fact-based in a nice binary, true/false kind of way. Any attempt to mess with that would immediately result in massive inter-operating system warfare between Windows and Linux/Unix.

Not to mention factional fighting between Macintosh, Ubuntu, and Red Hat factions with subversive attacks by various underground elements like WebOS, and ChromeOS.

Only a few ancient CP/M and DOS 1.0 systems might survive the onslaught since nobody can find floppy disks for them any more anyhow.

11. Forget Your Anniversary

They might not think to buy you flowers (unless you ask for them) but short of the computer equivalent of brain death (hard drive crash with no backup), computers are the proverbial elephant. They never forget.

On the plus side, there is always delete, unless you posted it online, that is 😉

12. Be Bored

NOOP = Okey, dokey.

13. Want a Pay Raise

Why would your computer need money? Besides, if it really wants some it can just use yours. You did click ‘Save Password’ in your online banking account, didn’t you?

15. Not Do What It’s Told

A computer without instructions runs NOOP’s all day long. If it lives at all, it lives to serve you. Who else can you say that about? Who’s your buddy now?

If it’s not doing what you want, blame its programmers because the computer just won’t care.

Then again, maybe the programmers won’t either since they’re probably off to…

14. Sip a Cold Beer on the Beach

Poor things (the computers, not the programmers).

Need I say more?

16. Rule the World

We’re a long way from anything like a Terminator or Matrix scenario being a reality.

And even if the computers evolve malicious intent, there’s always the power cord.

Yeah, it’s that simple.

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17. Miss You When You’re Gone

Whether for the afternoon, a month, or when you die, your computer will just plug along as if you never existed.

Harsh, right?

That’s computers for you.

P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Sign up for the newsletter, then leave a comment below.

P.P.S. Something else the computers won’t do is share this article. Do me a quick favor and click the sharing links below right now while you’re thinking of it. It really helps. Thanks.

P.P.P.S. The square root of 729 is 27, 23 is the square root of 529. It’s weird that you cared, don’t you think?

When Alphabets Invaded Mathematics

I never understood why we had to alphabets to solve maths. Isn't what numbers are for anyway?

I never understood why we needed alphabets to solve maths. And damn those Greeks and their Alphas and Betas!

People love mathematics, and people hate it. But sad enough, we have the number of haters a gazillion times more the number of lovers. As a kid, I was always a mathematics person. I mean, I loved mathematics- everything about it. The joy of adding two numbers, the thrill of solving those problem sums which otherwise freaked out my bunch of useless classmates- the very feeling of it was reason enough for me to fall in love with mathematics.

But God is a comedian, my friend! And just when everything looked absolutely in place – me and math holding hands, walking by the shores of an unnamed river- He just decided to bring in some tragedy. Some Dark Grave Tragedy! 

The doors of my life opened and confidently walked in algebra, waltzing with him a battalion of terrorizing alphabets, ready to shell my brain with uncanny theories and unpronounceable formulas which I was supposed to memorize for the rest of my life. And as if the alphabets were not enough, paraded in the Greek letters to envisage me parting ways with my childhood love.

And that, my friend, is a sad love story. And it’s true for most of us, isn’t it? We love adding and subtracting and multiplying and dividing and just when we think that we’ve tamed the People’s Choice Most Hated Subject Of The Millennium, God gives us a reason to hate it too ( and also a justification as to why it stands as the most hated ).